eATMe Hash Trash #69 20170603
This week IPTD created a fake UB John Crompton account on the huddle and on (F*CK) book. He then talked to himself on the huddle, and it was the most coherent conversation in 69 weeks... We’re not sure if it was more embarrassing that many hashers accepted UBJC’s friend request without recognizing who he was or if it was more embarrassing for those who did not. Also this week, the Texas governor is possibly signing some anti-hasher and very questionable beer laws; we hope he rolls off into the sunset.
Pre-pre-prelube started at BWD a 4:69 SHiT as Terro-jism dragged his class into the taproom on the notion of surveying First Friday. Pre-prelube continued at BWD as Toasty came down from her defense high, the hares in some timed sequence (first Turtle then TreeREX, and then UBJC). HOP, STD, SEAN, and some UBs filled out the table. UBs JC and Madeleine steered SEA Knob and UB Nicola who is now stealing cowboy hats from senile old men into the First Friday morase and we only received huddle distress signals from them. Prelube (formal course of vegetarian and turtle-free cuisine) started at 8:69 SHIT at Turtle’s house, and we recruited his last roommate to hash. Everyone played Bag-o Mordor, Ride the Short Bus, and took a lot of UB Jeff’s gluten jello shots. TreeREX also had about half of the pack line dancing to Thunderstruck!
The reptile trail by TreeREX, InterPlanetary Tortoise Dick, and UBJC at UBJC’s park started at 4:20:69 SHIT. It was a KAWesome invasion with Back Sheep Moan, Skinflute Hoot, Punky Jewster, and Astoty cuming. It was also an Easy Bake fuck off for a while trail. It was also a trail to celebrate Toasty earning her MSc, and we wish her the best on now obtaining her Mrs (again, since she already had her training marriage). Then trail started and it pouring rain 69 seconds after trail started. On trail, an opossum was set free by Easy Bake. Then virgin UB Malik lost his shoe in some nasty black mud and all hashers rubbed their feet along a big, hard, wet pipe (Holey Clit missed out). This was promptly followed by a re-sprained cock/foot situation on trail.
Circle was held at UBJC Park. Terro used his RA powers to make it rain and wash 69% of the mud off. FRB was Dangerously Cheesy, FBI was Skinflute, and DFLs were Fag and QBear. In circle, virgin UB Rhyma tried to down down a whole brass monkey, but only got 69% through. Also, virgin UB Malik gave IPTD some pointers on how to sings his ZYX’s in order to best fool a police officer into thinking that he is not drunk. Then Easy Bake sang her version of the the aaaaaghaaagahgahaaaahahaahaaaaghgahaaaAAAAAAAA song for us. And finally, the former UB Katie’s were renamed AGAIN
On after was held at the backup hot tub, as the usual one had police tape surrounding it with chalk outlines of people on the ground. When we sadly figured out that we couldn’t sustain ourselves solely on beer, Hoot greeted a pizza delivery boy while naked. Luckily the pizzas ordered to this pool keep getting cheaper and cheaper thanks to a few hella clutch eATMe harriets. We also learned that Mfefsa Bfndz is looking for a house husband, so if you would like to apply, please send your hash name, nerd name, kennel, favorite scifi character, and $69 via paypal to eatmeh3@gmail.com. She enjoys biting/ripping ass, being called a ginger, and rewriting rejected Science papers.
Scribing with at least 69% approval rating,
Turtlejism
P.S. Announcement:
Everyone really needs to get their shit together and rego for toasty’s fuck-off campout that is happening NEXT WEEKEND. Ya, it is a shame that she is organizing it on (F*CK) book, but we’re just going to have to put up with her organizing it this way.
eATMe Toasty’s Hash Trash #69 20170520
eATMe H3 is on the run again with a week’s worth of debauchery and shenanigans. On Tuesday the formerly racist harriet, 2BI, had a big “0” birthday, pink tacos were eaten, beer bottles were exploded, a lot of elks got horny, and we all still made time to go to Carneys at the end of the night. Red’s dream of hashers taking over the Elks club looks like a 69% reality.
Turtle is such a dick! I diverge, but it really bothers me. Whenever I talk to him, I can see his reptile eyes glaze over within 69 seconds. I really hope he dies. I sent out 69 job applications in the last 6.9 days, so I really don’t need this from Turtle right now. I got to prelube early as soon as I sent out the 69th job application and then 69 hashers showed up at Carney’s for Yard’s retirement celebration. Then all the real hashers continued to prelube on on on at Red and Yards Emporeum for some serious drinking. Then Treerex found another toad buddy.
Terro has been too slow lately on his announcement that Saturday is a hashing day, but Holey Clit had his back. Before trail, Toasty ordered an uber and Ain’t Jack Shit picked her up and went to the trail with her. Trail start was at the equine complex. Waldo STD started laying a “live” trail 69 minutes before any hashers arrived at start and still almost got himself snared by the racists at the end of the trail. Turtle and Holey Clit gave a really shitty chalk talk that Waldo STD obviously did not follow while laying trail. On trail Toasty took one of the brass monkey trash bags, but the hares only left a non shiggy proof trash bag that split open and dropped out the cashed bottles.
Circle was at Hensel park. It took two “car-backs” and we somehow lost Easy, Cheesey, and Floater. Toasty’s sarong was almost pulled off by MfefSafBfeefndsfff. Fag Magnet led us in beer, beer, beer, I’ll go piss away during this song. Toasty was FRB, Treerex was FBI, and there were too many DFLs to remember. Also, UB Dee was named Waldo STD (spinach-to-drink). I don’t remember why or the logic, as I was too focused on my own name(s). The UB Katies were named Toaster Tongs and Inter Planetary Tortoise Dick.
On after was at Holey Clit’s house. Toaster tongs snapchatted Turtle another bubble bath selfie. Fucking Turtle stole Toasty’s bag and took it home with him. Well, I gotta go work on my used panty business now, so this is all you get for today.
p.s. my fuckoff campout trail is going to be on May 27th at Lake Bryan.
Toasty
TXIH 2017 May 04-06
TeXaS InTeRhAsHHH 2017 Hash Trash eATMe Hash House Harriers (always the 69th run) The long awaited 69th running of the Texas Intrahash coincided with some sort of 69 Score (that's Lincoln time that Southerners do not recognize) time-warp. The hash ended up in a contra-cocked place called Sherwood Forest located less than 69 miles from the previous TXIH with faire spellings and out-of-place references to Jerusalem (thats Jesusville with beer I think). All sorts of odd dressed people, and the only way I could tell it was hashers was all the nakedness and good tasting beers (mostly the nakedness!!!). This was my first TXIH without Red Foreskin and Yard Ralph; in 69 hours or so I must have been asked like 69 million times where's Red and Yard? How are they doing? Blah Blah Blah. Im not their red-headed step-child for shit's sake! Of course, eATMe kennel anticipated all this, and tried to invite the whole world to our own eNTeR Hash for Red and Yard last week, and did they cum? I don't t know, they weren't in Aggieland to cum in my presence, so maybe they did? Maybe they didn't? The kennel stood up & stepped in (the new Aggie motto) and went to Huzzah's IH in honor of those left behind. It may have been a record eATMe Intrahash circle-jerk not counting the infamous BeATMe 2011 that we hosted, which was the attendance record at that time. This year’s had at least 69 more. We even drugged three UBs into the shenanigans of intrahash, and I think they all survived. UB Nate, Kendall, and Esther. By survive, I mean not so traumatized that they were trying to escape (or maybe nobody told them about safe words). We almost decided to name all three of them, but we drunkenly forgot. My mismemory of TXIH goes like this— drink, drank, drunk, and dismembered my memory: I’ll make up any details I don’t remember (69% accuracy with 69% confidence—never forget the confidence levels—pair-a-docs) Dad, where’s my pants? arrived first on Thursday for the prelubrication activities, and to wisely select and stake out an eATMe camping zone. Apparently, Face-fuck-book mentioned something about former eATMe home hashers, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob and Panicum Vaginatum having some prenuptial thing going on; so Daddy came prematurely for the kennel. When I arrived Friday afternoon, I fount Daddy and Second Bitch In (2BI) plotting over maps and strategizing for their 1-2 ball-buster victory, and resting out of the sun. We roped up 2BI, but thought the BeATMe 2011 banner would be easier to see. They kindly led me to the beer—city of peace on a hill with free flowing beer—HEAVEN! High on Potty (HOP) and Tree Rex were wandering the fair-e-grounds looking for wedding advice from Tiger and Panic. I was under the impression that Tiger was laying a wedding trail, he was, but for some other hasher-couple. It was only 2x69 minutes late (which is early for KAW). The kennel slowly appeared as they escaped Aggieland one by one. Our camp multiplied tents faster than hares having sex on trail. I don't remember the order of arrival: Easy Bake, Q-Bear (really stands for not quite bare or something like that); Soft Erections are Noble (SEAN) or sea-nob or softy—sense a theme; IPTD (just turtle & half of the UB Katie drama); Toaster Tongs (aka traveling toaster and other UB Katie drama half); Choc-a-shot-will-do / cock-a-shot-‘ll do ya (see what happens without a regular hash trash—hashers think they can be creative and misremember their own names—anyone other than me remember chocolate shots?). A few hounds found their way to the Friday trail, which was a skippy trail laid in lavender colored flour with glitter. Unfortunately, our first shot check was a bottle of Malort [“Malört Face — https://www.flickr.com/groups/malortface/pool — this is a place to post pictures of peoples' faces after they drink Jeppson's Malort. Malort is some nasty stuff and I think you can only buy it in Chicagoâ€]. I opened the bottle and took a .69 sip and passed it along; someone forgot to prevent Tree Rex from being the poor soul to carry the bottle around trying to convince others to finish it. Needless to say, she lost her soul as that Malort sucked out hers. It became too dark to explore, so I went back to ye-old Jerusalem and drank and drunk my way to happiness. I saw Semper Pie for a second final time, but lost him afterwards; I hugged Tiny Bubbles and Puke in that order; I completely stayed away from butt-naked Homo-dynamics; in the fuzz of midnight mist, I swear I saw Gymnophobia and Hound Dog; I think I smelled Twinkle-Toes feet over the wafting smells of Patchoulick my bush; saw some old hashers like me but mostly stared at all the nubile breasts wandering around. I honestly don’t know who of the eATMe kennel made it to midnight naked trail. I got lost walking back to camp, but somehow found my tent with all the moonlight. Saturday morning I woke up not knowing where I was, but heard soft non-magnetic moans and realized it was Easy Bake. The world was rotating slowly; coffee and aspirin fixed me. Looked like they / Huz-management were going to screw up a second meal in a row, but it turned out to just be a long delay and super slow line (half a screw). I got to see Mastergator like 69 pounds lighter than last time I saw him. Vegetarians got grilled asparagus and omnivores got fish fried bacon. My diet totally won! I was entertained by Geek for 69 minutes with TXIH history—secret alert—someone is claiming to have run in Houston in the early 1970s before H4’s official run count history! You heard it second in an eATMe hash trash! Speaking of twos, 2BI snuck away from intrahash to run a “points†earning second run but she tried to amputate her leg along the way (NEVER LEAVE HASH CAMP!) We sent out a rescue party (UB Nate and Daddy) for her car and her soon to be prescribed drugs. Turtle and HOP (anyone else?) pretended to be olympians but were limp-dicks losers as they wasted the day away. Speaking of wasted, Q-Bear wins worst half day of puking. I was told that Daddy was the ball-buster FRB, which means he got back in time for being locked in a u-haul. When will hashers realize that’s a bad idea? Turtle and Terro-jism bravely went on the 5 mile shiggy trail that wasn’t even 69% of promised. Like a hound to think their sausage is 69% greater than advertised. Women and wankers went on the easier 3 mile shiggy trail to only get lost and turn it into a longer trail than the 5. The two trails crossed each other like 69 times, and was never more than 69 strides from the abandoned railroad tracks which were only 69 feet from a road that paralleled the faire-sight. Please tell me how someone can turn that into a longer trail? On trail, I learned that e-turtles cant see red-green which sucked since our (t)rail used red sand! We were actually FRBs for about 69 seconds. When shiggy was necessary, I slowly followed the nicest ass through those parts of trail and didn't even ask her her name. I tripped on the tracks so I could earn a blood on trail down-down, but felt kind of pussy-ified after seeing 2BIs bloody stump. The 5 mile trail ended at the “Secret Bar†and we started to call it the Secret Bar H3. Without an “on-in†and any clarity, half the pack or closer to 69% left. When we finally got around to circling, the appearance of Brass Monkey RAs (Cocktor Spork and Where Do You Get Off?) made the wait worthwhile. We circled for over 69 minutes; Easy Bake / Chair showed up with some urban misfits aka wanker trail. Easily the best circle of this intrahash! Turtle learned some new verses to try out at future eATMe circles. Beer flowed; the sun started to set. Somehow I ended up with my rego badge a day late, and learned I had a secret superpower. Dinner sucked but at least they learned to use multiple lines, so we wouldn’t gripe in one place. And it was enough for hungry drunk hashers to recharge for the evening. It took a sherwood forest miracle for hashers to find the skit stage in the back corner. Half minds are we; we forgot to sign up our skit—thankfully our snakes will be safe. Skits were a mix of humor and silly and literally water guns with lube thanks to KAW. The Mr and Ms TXIH were competitive with diametrically different sexy things going on. Need I say Amish strippers or butter poon? El Paso’s Temple of Poon did a straight up stripper routine, and won! Who would have imagined? Her listing says Phoenix H3, so she might be stripped of her title when we sober up. TwoMennonite (spelling?) did a rap parody with two butter churners stirring up the crowd; after the longest run-offs and food fucking, dancing cops, etc. the high priest Whales Vagina declared him the winner. The crowd was happy to start washing off the lube, find beer, and whatever. A bon fire burned; a band played; beer flowed. Midnight yell—I mean naked midnight trail 2. Sadly, it looked like a hound sausage-fest for eATMe, so I peace’d out. Sunday? Breakfast; GM meeting; go home! Austin is hosting TXIH 2018 (d’erections cumming) Aggies and Agro-hashers sighted: ass-gagger and platterpus (toasty’s enablers?) Dishonorably submitted as 69% true, Terro-jism
This week IPTD created a fake UB John Crompton account on the huddle and on (F*CK) book. He then talked to himself on the huddle, and it was the most coherent conversation in 69 weeks... We’re not sure if it was more embarrassing that many hashers accepted UBJC’s friend request without recognizing who he was or if it was more embarrassing for those who did not. Also this week, the Texas governor is possibly signing some anti-hasher and very questionable beer laws; we hope he rolls off into the sunset.
Pre-pre-prelube started at BWD a 4:69 SHiT as Terro-jism dragged his class into the taproom on the notion of surveying First Friday. Pre-prelube continued at BWD as Toasty came down from her defense high, the hares in some timed sequence (first Turtle then TreeREX, and then UBJC). HOP, STD, SEAN, and some UBs filled out the table. UBs JC and Madeleine steered SEA Knob and UB Nicola who is now stealing cowboy hats from senile old men into the First Friday morase and we only received huddle distress signals from them. Prelube (formal course of vegetarian and turtle-free cuisine) started at 8:69 SHIT at Turtle’s house, and we recruited his last roommate to hash. Everyone played Bag-o Mordor, Ride the Short Bus, and took a lot of UB Jeff’s gluten jello shots. TreeREX also had about half of the pack line dancing to Thunderstruck!
The reptile trail by TreeREX, InterPlanetary Tortoise Dick, and UBJC at UBJC’s park started at 4:20:69 SHIT. It was a KAWesome invasion with Back Sheep Moan, Skinflute Hoot, Punky Jewster, and Astoty cuming. It was also an Easy Bake fuck off for a while trail. It was also a trail to celebrate Toasty earning her MSc, and we wish her the best on now obtaining her Mrs (again, since she already had her training marriage). Then trail started and it pouring rain 69 seconds after trail started. On trail, an opossum was set free by Easy Bake. Then virgin UB Malik lost his shoe in some nasty black mud and all hashers rubbed their feet along a big, hard, wet pipe (Holey Clit missed out). This was promptly followed by a re-sprained cock/foot situation on trail.
Circle was held at UBJC Park. Terro used his RA powers to make it rain and wash 69% of the mud off. FRB was Dangerously Cheesy, FBI was Skinflute, and DFLs were Fag and QBear. In circle, virgin UB Rhyma tried to down down a whole brass monkey, but only got 69% through. Also, virgin UB Malik gave IPTD some pointers on how to sings his ZYX’s in order to best fool a police officer into thinking that he is not drunk. Then Easy Bake sang her version of the the aaaaaghaaagahgahaaaahahaahaaaaghgahaaaAAAAAAAA song for us. And finally, the former UB Katie’s were renamed AGAIN
On after was held at the backup hot tub, as the usual one had police tape surrounding it with chalk outlines of people on the ground. When we sadly figured out that we couldn’t sustain ourselves solely on beer, Hoot greeted a pizza delivery boy while naked. Luckily the pizzas ordered to this pool keep getting cheaper and cheaper thanks to a few hella clutch eATMe harriets. We also learned that Mfefsa Bfndz is looking for a house husband, so if you would like to apply, please send your hash name, nerd name, kennel, favorite scifi character, and $69 via paypal to eatmeh3@gmail.com. She enjoys biting/ripping ass, being called a ginger, and rewriting rejected Science papers.
Scribing with at least 69% approval rating,
Turtlejism
P.S. Announcement:
Everyone really needs to get their shit together and rego for toasty’s fuck-off campout that is happening NEXT WEEKEND. Ya, it is a shame that she is organizing it on (F*CK) book, but we’re just going to have to put up with her organizing it this way.
eATMe Toasty’s Hash Trash #69 20170520
eATMe H3 is on the run again with a week’s worth of debauchery and shenanigans. On Tuesday the formerly racist harriet, 2BI, had a big “0” birthday, pink tacos were eaten, beer bottles were exploded, a lot of elks got horny, and we all still made time to go to Carneys at the end of the night. Red’s dream of hashers taking over the Elks club looks like a 69% reality.
Turtle is such a dick! I diverge, but it really bothers me. Whenever I talk to him, I can see his reptile eyes glaze over within 69 seconds. I really hope he dies. I sent out 69 job applications in the last 6.9 days, so I really don’t need this from Turtle right now. I got to prelube early as soon as I sent out the 69th job application and then 69 hashers showed up at Carney’s for Yard’s retirement celebration. Then all the real hashers continued to prelube on on on at Red and Yards Emporeum for some serious drinking. Then Treerex found another toad buddy.
Terro has been too slow lately on his announcement that Saturday is a hashing day, but Holey Clit had his back. Before trail, Toasty ordered an uber and Ain’t Jack Shit picked her up and went to the trail with her. Trail start was at the equine complex. Waldo STD started laying a “live” trail 69 minutes before any hashers arrived at start and still almost got himself snared by the racists at the end of the trail. Turtle and Holey Clit gave a really shitty chalk talk that Waldo STD obviously did not follow while laying trail. On trail Toasty took one of the brass monkey trash bags, but the hares only left a non shiggy proof trash bag that split open and dropped out the cashed bottles.
Circle was at Hensel park. It took two “car-backs” and we somehow lost Easy, Cheesey, and Floater. Toasty’s sarong was almost pulled off by MfefSafBfeefndsfff. Fag Magnet led us in beer, beer, beer, I’ll go piss away during this song. Toasty was FRB, Treerex was FBI, and there were too many DFLs to remember. Also, UB Dee was named Waldo STD (spinach-to-drink). I don’t remember why or the logic, as I was too focused on my own name(s). The UB Katies were named Toaster Tongs and Inter Planetary Tortoise Dick.
On after was at Holey Clit’s house. Toaster tongs snapchatted Turtle another bubble bath selfie. Fucking Turtle stole Toasty’s bag and took it home with him. Well, I gotta go work on my used panty business now, so this is all you get for today.
p.s. my fuckoff campout trail is going to be on May 27th at Lake Bryan.
Toasty
TXIH 2017 May 04-06
TeXaS InTeRhAsHHH 2017 Hash Trash eATMe Hash House Harriers (always the 69th run) The long awaited 69th running of the Texas Intrahash coincided with some sort of 69 Score (that's Lincoln time that Southerners do not recognize) time-warp. The hash ended up in a contra-cocked place called Sherwood Forest located less than 69 miles from the previous TXIH with faire spellings and out-of-place references to Jerusalem (thats Jesusville with beer I think). All sorts of odd dressed people, and the only way I could tell it was hashers was all the nakedness and good tasting beers (mostly the nakedness!!!). This was my first TXIH without Red Foreskin and Yard Ralph; in 69 hours or so I must have been asked like 69 million times where's Red and Yard? How are they doing? Blah Blah Blah. Im not their red-headed step-child for shit's sake! Of course, eATMe kennel anticipated all this, and tried to invite the whole world to our own eNTeR Hash for Red and Yard last week, and did they cum? I don't t know, they weren't in Aggieland to cum in my presence, so maybe they did? Maybe they didn't? The kennel stood up & stepped in (the new Aggie motto) and went to Huzzah's IH in honor of those left behind. It may have been a record eATMe Intrahash circle-jerk not counting the infamous BeATMe 2011 that we hosted, which was the attendance record at that time. This year’s had at least 69 more. We even drugged three UBs into the shenanigans of intrahash, and I think they all survived. UB Nate, Kendall, and Esther. By survive, I mean not so traumatized that they were trying to escape (or maybe nobody told them about safe words). We almost decided to name all three of them, but we drunkenly forgot. My mismemory of TXIH goes like this— drink, drank, drunk, and dismembered my memory: I’ll make up any details I don’t remember (69% accuracy with 69% confidence—never forget the confidence levels—pair-a-docs) Dad, where’s my pants? arrived first on Thursday for the prelubrication activities, and to wisely select and stake out an eATMe camping zone. Apparently, Face-fuck-book mentioned something about former eATMe home hashers, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob and Panicum Vaginatum having some prenuptial thing going on; so Daddy came prematurely for the kennel. When I arrived Friday afternoon, I fount Daddy and Second Bitch In (2BI) plotting over maps and strategizing for their 1-2 ball-buster victory, and resting out of the sun. We roped up 2BI, but thought the BeATMe 2011 banner would be easier to see. They kindly led me to the beer—city of peace on a hill with free flowing beer—HEAVEN! High on Potty (HOP) and Tree Rex were wandering the fair-e-grounds looking for wedding advice from Tiger and Panic. I was under the impression that Tiger was laying a wedding trail, he was, but for some other hasher-couple. It was only 2x69 minutes late (which is early for KAW). The kennel slowly appeared as they escaped Aggieland one by one. Our camp multiplied tents faster than hares having sex on trail. I don't remember the order of arrival: Easy Bake, Q-Bear (really stands for not quite bare or something like that); Soft Erections are Noble (SEAN) or sea-nob or softy—sense a theme; IPTD (just turtle & half of the UB Katie drama); Toaster Tongs (aka traveling toaster and other UB Katie drama half); Choc-a-shot-will-do / cock-a-shot-‘ll do ya (see what happens without a regular hash trash—hashers think they can be creative and misremember their own names—anyone other than me remember chocolate shots?). A few hounds found their way to the Friday trail, which was a skippy trail laid in lavender colored flour with glitter. Unfortunately, our first shot check was a bottle of Malort [“Malört Face — https://www.flickr.com/groups/malortface/pool — this is a place to post pictures of peoples' faces after they drink Jeppson's Malort. Malort is some nasty stuff and I think you can only buy it in Chicagoâ€]. I opened the bottle and took a .69 sip and passed it along; someone forgot to prevent Tree Rex from being the poor soul to carry the bottle around trying to convince others to finish it. Needless to say, she lost her soul as that Malort sucked out hers. It became too dark to explore, so I went back to ye-old Jerusalem and drank and drunk my way to happiness. I saw Semper Pie for a second final time, but lost him afterwards; I hugged Tiny Bubbles and Puke in that order; I completely stayed away from butt-naked Homo-dynamics; in the fuzz of midnight mist, I swear I saw Gymnophobia and Hound Dog; I think I smelled Twinkle-Toes feet over the wafting smells of Patchoulick my bush; saw some old hashers like me but mostly stared at all the nubile breasts wandering around. I honestly don’t know who of the eATMe kennel made it to midnight naked trail. I got lost walking back to camp, but somehow found my tent with all the moonlight. Saturday morning I woke up not knowing where I was, but heard soft non-magnetic moans and realized it was Easy Bake. The world was rotating slowly; coffee and aspirin fixed me. Looked like they / Huz-management were going to screw up a second meal in a row, but it turned out to just be a long delay and super slow line (half a screw). I got to see Mastergator like 69 pounds lighter than last time I saw him. Vegetarians got grilled asparagus and omnivores got fish fried bacon. My diet totally won! I was entertained by Geek for 69 minutes with TXIH history—secret alert—someone is claiming to have run in Houston in the early 1970s before H4’s official run count history! You heard it second in an eATMe hash trash! Speaking of twos, 2BI snuck away from intrahash to run a “points†earning second run but she tried to amputate her leg along the way (NEVER LEAVE HASH CAMP!) We sent out a rescue party (UB Nate and Daddy) for her car and her soon to be prescribed drugs. Turtle and HOP (anyone else?) pretended to be olympians but were limp-dicks losers as they wasted the day away. Speaking of wasted, Q-Bear wins worst half day of puking. I was told that Daddy was the ball-buster FRB, which means he got back in time for being locked in a u-haul. When will hashers realize that’s a bad idea? Turtle and Terro-jism bravely went on the 5 mile shiggy trail that wasn’t even 69% of promised. Like a hound to think their sausage is 69% greater than advertised. Women and wankers went on the easier 3 mile shiggy trail to only get lost and turn it into a longer trail than the 5. The two trails crossed each other like 69 times, and was never more than 69 strides from the abandoned railroad tracks which were only 69 feet from a road that paralleled the faire-sight. Please tell me how someone can turn that into a longer trail? On trail, I learned that e-turtles cant see red-green which sucked since our (t)rail used red sand! We were actually FRBs for about 69 seconds. When shiggy was necessary, I slowly followed the nicest ass through those parts of trail and didn't even ask her her name. I tripped on the tracks so I could earn a blood on trail down-down, but felt kind of pussy-ified after seeing 2BIs bloody stump. The 5 mile trail ended at the “Secret Bar†and we started to call it the Secret Bar H3. Without an “on-in†and any clarity, half the pack or closer to 69% left. When we finally got around to circling, the appearance of Brass Monkey RAs (Cocktor Spork and Where Do You Get Off?) made the wait worthwhile. We circled for over 69 minutes; Easy Bake / Chair showed up with some urban misfits aka wanker trail. Easily the best circle of this intrahash! Turtle learned some new verses to try out at future eATMe circles. Beer flowed; the sun started to set. Somehow I ended up with my rego badge a day late, and learned I had a secret superpower. Dinner sucked but at least they learned to use multiple lines, so we wouldn’t gripe in one place. And it was enough for hungry drunk hashers to recharge for the evening. It took a sherwood forest miracle for hashers to find the skit stage in the back corner. Half minds are we; we forgot to sign up our skit—thankfully our snakes will be safe. Skits were a mix of humor and silly and literally water guns with lube thanks to KAW. The Mr and Ms TXIH were competitive with diametrically different sexy things going on. Need I say Amish strippers or butter poon? El Paso’s Temple of Poon did a straight up stripper routine, and won! Who would have imagined? Her listing says Phoenix H3, so she might be stripped of her title when we sober up. TwoMennonite (spelling?) did a rap parody with two butter churners stirring up the crowd; after the longest run-offs and food fucking, dancing cops, etc. the high priest Whales Vagina declared him the winner. The crowd was happy to start washing off the lube, find beer, and whatever. A bon fire burned; a band played; beer flowed. Midnight yell—I mean naked midnight trail 2. Sadly, it looked like a hound sausage-fest for eATMe, so I peace’d out. Sunday? Breakfast; GM meeting; go home! Austin is hosting TXIH 2018 (d’erections cumming) Aggies and Agro-hashers sighted: ass-gagger and platterpus (toasty’s enablers?) Dishonorably submitted as 69% true, Terro-jism
20170114
The hates for the 69th running of the eATMe hash were HOP and UB Katie. Prelube was at Carneys where there was a better showing of people than at the actual trail.
Since the hates didn’t show up in time, trail started 69 minutes late at Mary Branch Elementary School.While we were waiting, 3Finger showed off his bitch hips and 2BI left start early so she could turn back to go and get a racist tattoo with all the cool microbes in it that she found on trail. It’s 2Bad that 2BI was only about 6.9 inches away from the first Brass Monkey in the woods before she turned around. So instead it was just TreeRex and a bunch of male hashers 6.9 inches away from a trail that muggles kept walking by and TreeRex had the bright idea to start screaming for help. Also, the hates kept stalking the pack in the shag wagon, so everyone was flipping off the shag wagon. However, one time we missed the shag wagon and accidentally flipped off a car of black people right before MLK day. Then the trail went through a shitty obstacle course and there was an extra-long part of trail that went nowhere. The pack found a dead squirrel which Red decided to pick up and wave around in the air while we sung the dead squirrel by the roadside song. Then UB Dave brought the dead squirrel whore home to his cave with Dale Jr Jr. Then the pack finally made it to ONIN where Red handled all of the food before circle…so…I would not eat any of the leftover food next week…
Without any clear leadership at the circle, UB Katie drew the short straw and was forced to RA. For this circle, the FRB was UB Katie. Also, DFL and 1BI was TreeRex. During circle UB Katie also debuted a new song about pissing for the pissonya trail. Then we butchered all of the songs until everyone felt we had pissed enough during circle for a pissonya trail. Everyone else was pissing in different directions at once, so the RA claimed the G given rights of Pissonya which states that the RA can piss wherever the duck the RA wants and UB Katie pissed in the trash can in the middle of the circle.
At the end of circle we decided to have a renaming ceremony for Red Foreskin despite how many of our kennel’s songs it’ll ruin. He will now be known as DNR which stands for Dr. Nipple Reader. Then, On After was at the hot tub so that DNR could demonstrate his skills.
After that piss poor trail, get ready for a purrrrfect pussy trail next week from the stunningly beautiful UB Katie, TreeRex, and Holey Clit!
Love and beer checks,
IPTD
05 November 2016
The like hash trash for the like 69th anal eATMe like campout: Lots of nails were tots chipped. It was like so literally shitty. Hares were like Turd Burglar and the twins:UB Katie and UB Katie.
The like prelube was like at lake Bryan in the gross rain. We like played a game called Catch Phrase while getting like all wet together. It was tots obvi that slut juice was like literally flowing.
Like on Saturday morning the racists left to do a charity run to like help other people and stuff. Daddy pants was FRB in that race since like no one wanted to run next to him because he was like wearing see-thru leggings. The like rest of like the morning was obviously filled with taking sorority squat selfies to make all the lazy bitches jelly that didn’t cum.
At chalk talk a few of those lazy bitches showed up, but some of the lazy bitches auto wanked to the brass monkey *cough*UB Monica and UB Lauren *cough*. Some like other things that happened on trail were IPTD lost part of his hair on trail, ADHD declared that lake Bryan was his with his long hard stick, and Wetbat was trying to baptize people.
At like the circle, the UB Katies were sad they didn't get defloured on their virgin campout. Also, a family was like pretending to fish next to us even though we were singing so loud that there was no way that the fish weren’t scared all the way to the other side of the lake. At least we will be able to remember every second of the circle cause the UB Katies selfie snap chatted the entire circle.
After circle there were like so many baked potatoes everywhere. Also, after Just Megan lubed up a stick, it was quickly set on fire and burned better than the other sticks. Nun in the stink was like so excited that she pooped in her camping chair. Then Platterpussy like set homodynamics’ tent on fire. We like all played Thunder, Mordor, and Flip Cup and then Bump Her lit her titty tassels on fire. Then, to like the end of the night, Tummy and homo took a midnight naked run together. Lucky no icky Hashers like puked on any Harriet while having sex with her this year. #Blessed
On Sunday morning, the eATMe cleanup fairies shoveled the lube puddles into the lake, pulled the used condoms out of the trees, and gave handies to the Lake Bryan staff so that they will like let us cum back for next year’s campout.
Bye-ee Bitches
IPTD
24 September 2016
Publess Reds Festival Pub Run
A hash to remember (if we hadn't drank so much) the pack met at BWD in Bryan to Prelube before the hare and his hound took off. A few new faces, some visitors, a mulletless hasher, a whole lot of red (and maroon), and a disturbing snapchat video rounded out the pack as we prepared to run through the eye of the storm. Red Foreskin took the Hash announcement a little to seriously and decided to zen from the get-go. He almost got hit by a car next to the cemetery (at least it would've been convenient). Meanwhile the rest of the pack was fucked by some poorly placed arrows and a strong lack of BVC. HOP found shag wagon and Turtle Dick determined to find trail ran left, then came back, went straight, came back, did a ballerina twirl and finally came into the first beer check Dfl. As the pack made their way back to the festival grounds a man with a ponytail said he didn't see any hares but he did see a man with a dog. The pack made it back to BWD (except a second time hasher who zen-ed) Circle was held on BWDs loading dock. A plethora of people came in FRB, Mi Saah Benz (emphasis on the Mi Saah) was FBI, and Daddy Pants and his wife came in DFL, claiming a funeral procession slowed them down (likely story).
Circle continued on with OB getting jealous of the awesome circle train down-down, a number of miss-sung lines, and a drunken hare. Our hullabaloo caneck caneck granted the Aggies a 4-0 start in sportsball, in our drunken stupor we are allowing two UBs (UB Katie and UB Katie) to lay their couture themed trail next week without a veteran, and swing low closed out circle.
On after split the pack up briefly, sending the hare and a few hounds down towards the festival music and sending the rest of the pack back in to BWD for beer and bathroom. Quesadillas and Burritos were shared and BWD closed with hares tab still open, a 69% tip was given for good measure. The pack rejoined at the main concert stage for some FourLoco and to listen to Ray Wylie Hubbard's hit song snake farm (or was it State Farm).
May the hash go in peace! Hi on Pot
The hates for the 69th running of the eATMe hash were HOP and UB Katie. Prelube was at Carneys where there was a better showing of people than at the actual trail.
Since the hates didn’t show up in time, trail started 69 minutes late at Mary Branch Elementary School.While we were waiting, 3Finger showed off his bitch hips and 2BI left start early so she could turn back to go and get a racist tattoo with all the cool microbes in it that she found on trail. It’s 2Bad that 2BI was only about 6.9 inches away from the first Brass Monkey in the woods before she turned around. So instead it was just TreeRex and a bunch of male hashers 6.9 inches away from a trail that muggles kept walking by and TreeRex had the bright idea to start screaming for help. Also, the hates kept stalking the pack in the shag wagon, so everyone was flipping off the shag wagon. However, one time we missed the shag wagon and accidentally flipped off a car of black people right before MLK day. Then the trail went through a shitty obstacle course and there was an extra-long part of trail that went nowhere. The pack found a dead squirrel which Red decided to pick up and wave around in the air while we sung the dead squirrel by the roadside song. Then UB Dave brought the dead squirrel whore home to his cave with Dale Jr Jr. Then the pack finally made it to ONIN where Red handled all of the food before circle…so…I would not eat any of the leftover food next week…
Without any clear leadership at the circle, UB Katie drew the short straw and was forced to RA. For this circle, the FRB was UB Katie. Also, DFL and 1BI was TreeRex. During circle UB Katie also debuted a new song about pissing for the pissonya trail. Then we butchered all of the songs until everyone felt we had pissed enough during circle for a pissonya trail. Everyone else was pissing in different directions at once, so the RA claimed the G given rights of Pissonya which states that the RA can piss wherever the duck the RA wants and UB Katie pissed in the trash can in the middle of the circle.
At the end of circle we decided to have a renaming ceremony for Red Foreskin despite how many of our kennel’s songs it’ll ruin. He will now be known as DNR which stands for Dr. Nipple Reader. Then, On After was at the hot tub so that DNR could demonstrate his skills.
After that piss poor trail, get ready for a purrrrfect pussy trail next week from the stunningly beautiful UB Katie, TreeRex, and Holey Clit!
Love and beer checks,
IPTD
05 November 2016
The like hash trash for the like 69th anal eATMe like campout: Lots of nails were tots chipped. It was like so literally shitty. Hares were like Turd Burglar and the twins:UB Katie and UB Katie.
The like prelube was like at lake Bryan in the gross rain. We like played a game called Catch Phrase while getting like all wet together. It was tots obvi that slut juice was like literally flowing.
Like on Saturday morning the racists left to do a charity run to like help other people and stuff. Daddy pants was FRB in that race since like no one wanted to run next to him because he was like wearing see-thru leggings. The like rest of like the morning was obviously filled with taking sorority squat selfies to make all the lazy bitches jelly that didn’t cum.
At chalk talk a few of those lazy bitches showed up, but some of the lazy bitches auto wanked to the brass monkey *cough*UB Monica and UB Lauren *cough*. Some like other things that happened on trail were IPTD lost part of his hair on trail, ADHD declared that lake Bryan was his with his long hard stick, and Wetbat was trying to baptize people.
At like the circle, the UB Katies were sad they didn't get defloured on their virgin campout. Also, a family was like pretending to fish next to us even though we were singing so loud that there was no way that the fish weren’t scared all the way to the other side of the lake. At least we will be able to remember every second of the circle cause the UB Katies selfie snap chatted the entire circle.
After circle there were like so many baked potatoes everywhere. Also, after Just Megan lubed up a stick, it was quickly set on fire and burned better than the other sticks. Nun in the stink was like so excited that she pooped in her camping chair. Then Platterpussy like set homodynamics’ tent on fire. We like all played Thunder, Mordor, and Flip Cup and then Bump Her lit her titty tassels on fire. Then, to like the end of the night, Tummy and homo took a midnight naked run together. Lucky no icky Hashers like puked on any Harriet while having sex with her this year. #Blessed
On Sunday morning, the eATMe cleanup fairies shoveled the lube puddles into the lake, pulled the used condoms out of the trees, and gave handies to the Lake Bryan staff so that they will like let us cum back for next year’s campout.
Bye-ee Bitches
IPTD
24 September 2016
Publess Reds Festival Pub Run
A hash to remember (if we hadn't drank so much) the pack met at BWD in Bryan to Prelube before the hare and his hound took off. A few new faces, some visitors, a mulletless hasher, a whole lot of red (and maroon), and a disturbing snapchat video rounded out the pack as we prepared to run through the eye of the storm. Red Foreskin took the Hash announcement a little to seriously and decided to zen from the get-go. He almost got hit by a car next to the cemetery (at least it would've been convenient). Meanwhile the rest of the pack was fucked by some poorly placed arrows and a strong lack of BVC. HOP found shag wagon and Turtle Dick determined to find trail ran left, then came back, went straight, came back, did a ballerina twirl and finally came into the first beer check Dfl. As the pack made their way back to the festival grounds a man with a ponytail said he didn't see any hares but he did see a man with a dog. The pack made it back to BWD (except a second time hasher who zen-ed) Circle was held on BWDs loading dock. A plethora of people came in FRB, Mi Saah Benz (emphasis on the Mi Saah) was FBI, and Daddy Pants and his wife came in DFL, claiming a funeral procession slowed them down (likely story).
Circle continued on with OB getting jealous of the awesome circle train down-down, a number of miss-sung lines, and a drunken hare. Our hullabaloo caneck caneck granted the Aggies a 4-0 start in sportsball, in our drunken stupor we are allowing two UBs (UB Katie and UB Katie) to lay their couture themed trail next week without a veteran, and swing low closed out circle.
On after split the pack up briefly, sending the hare and a few hounds down towards the festival music and sending the rest of the pack back in to BWD for beer and bathroom. Quesadillas and Burritos were shared and BWD closed with hares tab still open, a 69% tip was given for good measure. The pack rejoined at the main concert stage for some FourLoco and to listen to Ray Wylie Hubbard's hit song snake farm (or was it State Farm).
May the hash go in peace! Hi on Pot
20 August 2016
Who is the Hare Hash Trash
The Summer HHHeat was washed away with a torrential rainstorm for the second week running, and to the best of my incomplete knowledge, no hashers were washed away while trying to run. Then again no one seems to count the number of hounds leaving chalk talk anymore. Third hand knowledge of overachieving runners (UBs Jenna and A-ron) had it that a bunch of eATMe hashers were soaking and sulking down in Cat Springs begging for pizza and beer. Since last week’s brilliant night hash complete with atmospheric light(n)ing, a “who is the next hare” dilemma set in. Subterfuge and half-mindedness and alcohol had many people thinking they were the hare, cohare, pretend hare, and just plain hairy. At last count or weird outdated versions of the calendar, IPTD, HOP, & Wap-acole; Terro-jism & Obi; B-A-B-Y (UB Ruthann, Van Goghs Down & UB Ziggy); and the ghost of Mr. G and geocachers past all somehow were listed, implied, or imagined for the weekend. With Toaster Tongs not around to Volunteer and coordinate, and mismanagement not existent in Aggieland, we muddled on-on. Team BABY and Whop-a-molé just plain didn’t show up for trail, but he did manage to accidentally appear at prelube with UB Gizz and the ex-Blew household of current tenets (thank you Backwater/Spluge for being the greatest absentee landlords ever). Oh yeah, trail.
The kennel convened at the west end of Wolf Pen Creek trail at 4:69. Terro-jism arrived first to claim the famous location; we had a mutant migrant with a beer stealing kid disrupt a circle there years ago. High on Pot and TreeRex wheeled their cooler down from their place and greeted Obi with hugs and kisses. IPTD arrived and immediately made clear he sees trees in perverse ways and had us posting arbor smut on huddle. Easy Bake and Bill Nye arrived by bike, which turned out to be the wrong travel device later. Red Foreskin, Yard Ralph, and the shag wagon arrived. Yard leapt out of the wagon to show us her bootless ankle, and to prove her fitness she was FRB to the first beer check. Fag Magnet and UB Shawn arrived to round out the pack. It was decided that Obi1 knew trail the best, so Terro-jism did chalk talk and drove the shag wagon. Trail supposedly went behind Specs, and through the Keep Brazos Beautiful park; into well tread neighborhoods east of campus, and first beer check in the little Ashbury Nature Preserve. Red, Yard, and Fag Magnet determined that there was no flour actually used on trail, so Obi was instructed to relay trail. The second beer check was in the Oaks park; we intercepted UB Nicola on her bike and convinced her to find Jesus and cum hash with us. She agreed but got wet HEBy-jeebbies once the lord-o-mighty starting pissing on College Station. Trail supposedly went down Dartmouth Street, but only our lost UB found the newly laid shortcut back to start. We expected PGT to greet us with warm, dry towels, but Venus wasn’t in alignment. Another UB was there to munch on our snacks and listen to Red’s stories.
We began to circle, and it was deemed that Terro-jism, IPTD, and HOP would drink as/for the hares. TreeRex was declared FBI and UB Shawn was DFL for actually following last leg of trail. Eventually, the hot flashes of lightning and thunderous ecstasy of wetness forced us to retreat. We drove over to Harvey Washbangers for beer, food, and towels. UB Andrea greeted us with smooth tap pulls and other staff gave us excessive head from the canned beer. We never really finished accusations, but we decided to do some long overdue naming. No one else was half-minded enough to be on the outside patio, so we could do our best to get thrown out. We declared UB Shawn an honorary hare and named him Fast as Lightning; not for his dizzying speed at running (even though he was dissing UB Jenna for split times or something like that), nor his love of running with an umbrella in the lightning, but a quick first time story. We debated on the tradition of naming without a formal haring, and decided nothing. Since UB A-ron has colored our hash with his wit and a helluva lot of body paint, we tentatively decided to name him Technicolor Cumshot, but once we bring him into circle, we might just reconsider. The rain would not let up, so Easy invited us over to her new place for a casual on-on-on.
Who is the Hare next week?
Same ole song and dance, Terro-jism
Who is the Hare Hash Trash
The Summer HHHeat was washed away with a torrential rainstorm for the second week running, and to the best of my incomplete knowledge, no hashers were washed away while trying to run. Then again no one seems to count the number of hounds leaving chalk talk anymore. Third hand knowledge of overachieving runners (UBs Jenna and A-ron) had it that a bunch of eATMe hashers were soaking and sulking down in Cat Springs begging for pizza and beer. Since last week’s brilliant night hash complete with atmospheric light(n)ing, a “who is the next hare” dilemma set in. Subterfuge and half-mindedness and alcohol had many people thinking they were the hare, cohare, pretend hare, and just plain hairy. At last count or weird outdated versions of the calendar, IPTD, HOP, & Wap-acole; Terro-jism & Obi; B-A-B-Y (UB Ruthann, Van Goghs Down & UB Ziggy); and the ghost of Mr. G and geocachers past all somehow were listed, implied, or imagined for the weekend. With Toaster Tongs not around to Volunteer and coordinate, and mismanagement not existent in Aggieland, we muddled on-on. Team BABY and Whop-a-molé just plain didn’t show up for trail, but he did manage to accidentally appear at prelube with UB Gizz and the ex-Blew household of current tenets (thank you Backwater/Spluge for being the greatest absentee landlords ever). Oh yeah, trail.
The kennel convened at the west end of Wolf Pen Creek trail at 4:69. Terro-jism arrived first to claim the famous location; we had a mutant migrant with a beer stealing kid disrupt a circle there years ago. High on Pot and TreeRex wheeled their cooler down from their place and greeted Obi with hugs and kisses. IPTD arrived and immediately made clear he sees trees in perverse ways and had us posting arbor smut on huddle. Easy Bake and Bill Nye arrived by bike, which turned out to be the wrong travel device later. Red Foreskin, Yard Ralph, and the shag wagon arrived. Yard leapt out of the wagon to show us her bootless ankle, and to prove her fitness she was FRB to the first beer check. Fag Magnet and UB Shawn arrived to round out the pack. It was decided that Obi1 knew trail the best, so Terro-jism did chalk talk and drove the shag wagon. Trail supposedly went behind Specs, and through the Keep Brazos Beautiful park; into well tread neighborhoods east of campus, and first beer check in the little Ashbury Nature Preserve. Red, Yard, and Fag Magnet determined that there was no flour actually used on trail, so Obi was instructed to relay trail. The second beer check was in the Oaks park; we intercepted UB Nicola on her bike and convinced her to find Jesus and cum hash with us. She agreed but got wet HEBy-jeebbies once the lord-o-mighty starting pissing on College Station. Trail supposedly went down Dartmouth Street, but only our lost UB found the newly laid shortcut back to start. We expected PGT to greet us with warm, dry towels, but Venus wasn’t in alignment. Another UB was there to munch on our snacks and listen to Red’s stories.
We began to circle, and it was deemed that Terro-jism, IPTD, and HOP would drink as/for the hares. TreeRex was declared FBI and UB Shawn was DFL for actually following last leg of trail. Eventually, the hot flashes of lightning and thunderous ecstasy of wetness forced us to retreat. We drove over to Harvey Washbangers for beer, food, and towels. UB Andrea greeted us with smooth tap pulls and other staff gave us excessive head from the canned beer. We never really finished accusations, but we decided to do some long overdue naming. No one else was half-minded enough to be on the outside patio, so we could do our best to get thrown out. We declared UB Shawn an honorary hare and named him Fast as Lightning; not for his dizzying speed at running (even though he was dissing UB Jenna for split times or something like that), nor his love of running with an umbrella in the lightning, but a quick first time story. We debated on the tradition of naming without a formal haring, and decided nothing. Since UB A-ron has colored our hash with his wit and a helluva lot of body paint, we tentatively decided to name him Technicolor Cumshot, but once we bring him into circle, we might just reconsider. The rain would not let up, so Easy invited us over to her new place for a casual on-on-on.
Who is the Hare next week?
Same ole song and dance, Terro-jism
6 August 2016
The hares for the 69th running of the eATMe hash were Skin-Flute Hoot and Fag Magnet. Prelube was at Blackwater Draw, kinda, sorta, some of the time. The two-wheeled socialists started at The Corner Bar and made it to BWD eventually. The pack split up and reconnected throughout the night at various places in Bryan. Luftwacker and Bushwacker came together and auto-wanked back and forth from BWD to the other bars in Bryan. At some point UB Jenna informed us that “If I had a penis I would rub it all over everyone.”
Trail started at Lick Creek Park. Red was going to make a 69 year old virgin cum, but Toasty took him out on a date before trail and tired him out too much, so the virgin never came at trail. Then Red zenned and we still haven’t seen or heard from him. Since trail was at Lick Creek Park, Treerex was going through the creeks looking for frogs to lick to try to get high before circle. UB Daisy also stopped to eat some flowers and got all tuckered out because she is only 6 months old. Three Finger was too racist to wait for anyone at the brass monkey and he tried to cover his tracks by putting sand in the brass monkey to make it look like it was still full. Later, Three Finger tried to seduce a muggle by offering her a beer at the beer check, or maybe he was just using her to get to her dogs, I’m still not quite sure. A muggle neighbor by the beer check seemed a bit annoyed that random people were loitering in his cul-de-sac, but then someone told him that our event was a charity for alcoholism awareness. This pacified him and he left us alone. Toasty was FBI and Wopamole and UB Ruth-Ann were DFL.
We had a nice naked circle that was perfectly behaved with beautiful harmonies sung for all of the songs. No one spilled any alcohol, everyone sang down down down for everyone else, and the socials really made me feel like I had a family for the first time since my dad bled to death after smashing a glass jar that he had put up his ass.
For on after we had Naked pool time! Luckily the pool was a lot cleaner this week. Also, Fag Magnet bought all the pizzas that Hungry Howie would make for us.
Love and beer checks,
IPTD
30 July 2016
Well, the 69th running of the eATMe hash was especially shitty since it was kitchen themed. The Hares were NOT Iowanna Dix’n Me and Technicolor Cum Shot despite how much they really wish they had been named that. They were Treerex and Toaster Tongs!
Despite Wopamole and Fag Magnet trying to go to Carney’s for prelube, prelube was actually held at O’Bannon’s for their 69th analversary. At prelube UB Brieyh’leai and IPTD learned that sleazy horse sleepwear is a thing. Also, Easy Bake stole balloons and danced on the tables at O’Bannon’s. At the end of the evening/early morning, UB Nicola was hit on by Jesus, her Uber driver. However, Jesus was still too sad from being turned down by Fag Magnet earlier in the night.
The trail started out shitty because the hares met in the wrong parking lot (possibly for symbolistic reasons?). In order to get to start on time, UB Aaron faked a boo boo in his tum tum at work. Other boo boos on trail included UB Bosco twisting his ankle and IPTD’s rectum being rubbed raw by everyone slapping and touching his butt. This occurred since IPTD wore his prostate stimulator all trail long. He is planning to make a challenge patch where you will earn the patch if you run an entire trail while wearing some sort of butt plug (in your butt). Toasty said she will be the first to earn the patch using the assifier that her boyfriend gave her. Another tragedy that occurred on trail was that the shot stop, with ketchup and mustard shots, was entirely consumed by the pack before HOP made it to the stop. Unfortunately this is the second week in a row that HOP missed out on an alcohol check due to the thoughtlessness of racists. Also, about this time UB Ziggy threw Van Goes Down’s phone into the shiggy and the racists redeemed themselves by going back into the shiggy in the pitch black night to find the phone. Ultimately Daddy was FRB and UB JENNA WAS DFL!!!!!!!!!!!! A lot of muggles at the movie theater were very amused that she was trying to find circle by yelling “DADDY, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?” The scribe recalls that either Beddy Boop or UB Alma was FBI, but no half-mind can tell them apart anyway.
At circle the pack was met by Turn Down For Quoi who auto wanked. Then Yard Ralph, the RA, devirginated UB Tony and UB Bosco, aka UB Tobacco. Later in circle, IPTD pulled out his prostate stimulator when accused of wearing it on trail and Fag Magnet sang “Put it back in” for a song a sometime after that when IPTD was accused of something else.
On after was held at Meadows point hot tub where the water was as opaque and tingle inducing as anyone could have hoped for. This may have been related to the fact that UB Summer thought that taking an Epsom salt bath is a laxative. One unfortunate thing that occurred at the pool was that the pizza delivery man did not appreciate seeing Easy Bake’s boobs last time and would not cum to us again. We may have miscalculated and should have shown him some dick instead. All-in-all, everyone on trail seemed to be butt hurt about hashing politics, but IPTD was the only one that had a legitimate reason to be butt hurt on this trail.
Love and beer checks,
IPTD
July 2nd 2016
We hope you enjoy this extra special 69th edition of the eATMe hash trash which records the official events of the 69th running of the eATMe hash, hared by Terrojism and Easy Bake.
Prelube was at Blackwater Draw in downtown Bryan. It was there that we all found out what a growler is in the UK thanks to UB Nicola. All I will leave you with here is the top definition from Urban Dictionary: “A mean, butch looking pussy. As friendly as a bulldog, and as much fun to kiss.” Later that evening there was a dance jam at the Stafford with UB Beatriz, Easy Bake, Daddy Pants, UB Nicola, Terrojism, IPTD, and many more. UB Nicola, unfortunately, injured her growler while performing a “slut-drop” during the dance off.
On Saturday, trail started and ended at Gough Gough Coffee Company. Easy bake brought squirt guns for the hounds and Terrojism brought an S&M leash for his favorite hound. On trail, the new S&M check was introduced at the Silk Stocking. The pack also had a photo shoot there. Unfortunately no other hare-provided package checks were found on trail. At the end of the trail, a slow motion replay confirmed that IPTD and Daddy Pants tied for FRB with a photo finish.
Before circle, Easy Bake lived up to her name by bringing some home baked cookies for the hounds. During circle, IPTD was using a watermelon slice as a vessel that, at some point, magically grew into a half watermelon vessel. The circle donated to the vessel, but IPTD cleverly only drank a little of it while throwing the rest over his shoulder. Because of this, a few beers were lost on this day, so I would really appreciate it if you would take a moment of silence for the loss of this beer as it could not have been avoided. A bit later in circle, we discovered that UB Nate has a neurological condition where as he walks by you, if his beer is above your vessel, his hand will lose control and pour beer into your vessel. Also, by the end of circle, UB Alexei still could not figure out what the theme of the trail was and why everyone was covered in Russia’s colors.
At on after at Carney’s, Terrojism finally created a snapchat account. He asked me to request of all of you that ALL the dick pics are sent to him. Lastly, at the end of the evening Easy Bake was trying to start wrestling matches with everyone.
Definitely not the eATMe scribe,
InterPlanetary Tortoise Dick
Saturday June 25
Hashers, Harriettes, UBs, and everyone in between, this hash trash was written in celebration of Toaster Tong surviving for a quarter of a century in order to hare the 69th running of the eATMe hash with Ass Gagger at Lake Bryan! Joining them were some eATMe regulars, a KAW invasion, and sadly only one virgin, UB Carson. The KAW invasion included Orange Hooker, Homodynamics, and Pubes and Gayland.
Prelube for trail was held at the campsite where the sounds of the lake house band could be heard all evening. The best effort to attend prelube was decided to be a tie between UB Jenna, who biked to Lake Bryan, and Beddy Boop, who began reading an assignment at midnight while drinking so she could to write an essay on the reading the next day. Knowing that a shitty trail requires a sufficient amount of prelubing, Gaggie hit up Dro Bro at the campsite next to us for some of his orange shots. However, UB Alma and UB Carson did not participate because they needed to get some rest in their tent so that UB Alma could work early in the morning. Prelube was then finished off by a game of Heads Up at 3 am and the ceremoanial cries of the le neighbors qui cum fort at 5 am.
On Saturday morning UB Aaron wanted people to cum out and eat his sausage so he warmed it up for them himself. However, everyone was busy preparing their best panda impressions and were not interested in UB Aaron’s sausage. The resulting panda outfits ranged from cute to terrifying to just kinda shitty. A few noteworthy panda outfits included Treerex’s anime panda outfit, HOP’s panda full body suit, UB Aaron’s zombie panda body paint, the hares’ panda rave hats, and IPTD’s panda body painted on his ass. We were such an inspiring group of people that when UB Aaron was painting IPTD’s ass, not only did the neighbors start taking pictures, but they also sent their hot middle school son over to get a panda painted on his face as well. Unfortunately we decided that it might not work well if IPTD just sat on his face to transfer some of IPTD’s ass body paint directly to the child’s face to save time.
After panda prep, the time for trail finally arrived. It was a hot and shitty trail, but we’re pretty sure that not very many pandas were lost to the trail. This was most definitely due to the weird yet innovative new check that we found on trail. The new wiener check, meant to provide sustenance on a tiring trail, is comprised of a pre-opened packet of hot dogs in a cooler with possibly a few beers that best compliment the wiener flavor. It is best to be careful how long you stay at a wiener check through, because you may get showered on just like the DFLs did just before finding ON IN. This was most terrifying and disorienting for UB Aaron, who decided to run trail backward after reaching ON IN in order to find the start and make sure his tent did not get showered on too much. However, UB Aaron would have kept his tent drier if he would have realized that the start was only about 69 yards away from the end.
At circle there were still wiener’s left over from the wiener check, and if you had to guess which hasher was playing with them during circle, who would you pick? That’s right, Fag Magnet! He ripped open a wiener packet with his teeth spraying wiener juice all over his face. He then rubbed a wiener all over his face and on the chests of the hares.
After circle the most popular place to get naked was in the lake. Unfortunately, the excitement caused Bill Neigh to lose his car keys in the lake. Later, back at the camp there was also a naked trail that lasted all of about 69 seconds. Also, Toasty was very happy to be served drinks by IPTD who was in his American flag thong which was extra tight since it also had glow sticks inside it. Additionally, the last lesson learned of the night was that it’s not the size of the tent that you pitch that matters but which 6 people you convince to share it with you.
On Sunday we all declared victory and left after Toasty announced that her vagina "smelled so bad" and that she possibly got her eye infected again.
Your humblest scribe (for this week),
Inter Planetary Tortoise Dick
The hares for the 69th running of the eATMe hash were Skin-Flute Hoot and Fag Magnet. Prelube was at Blackwater Draw, kinda, sorta, some of the time. The two-wheeled socialists started at The Corner Bar and made it to BWD eventually. The pack split up and reconnected throughout the night at various places in Bryan. Luftwacker and Bushwacker came together and auto-wanked back and forth from BWD to the other bars in Bryan. At some point UB Jenna informed us that “If I had a penis I would rub it all over everyone.”
Trail started at Lick Creek Park. Red was going to make a 69 year old virgin cum, but Toasty took him out on a date before trail and tired him out too much, so the virgin never came at trail. Then Red zenned and we still haven’t seen or heard from him. Since trail was at Lick Creek Park, Treerex was going through the creeks looking for frogs to lick to try to get high before circle. UB Daisy also stopped to eat some flowers and got all tuckered out because she is only 6 months old. Three Finger was too racist to wait for anyone at the brass monkey and he tried to cover his tracks by putting sand in the brass monkey to make it look like it was still full. Later, Three Finger tried to seduce a muggle by offering her a beer at the beer check, or maybe he was just using her to get to her dogs, I’m still not quite sure. A muggle neighbor by the beer check seemed a bit annoyed that random people were loitering in his cul-de-sac, but then someone told him that our event was a charity for alcoholism awareness. This pacified him and he left us alone. Toasty was FBI and Wopamole and UB Ruth-Ann were DFL.
We had a nice naked circle that was perfectly behaved with beautiful harmonies sung for all of the songs. No one spilled any alcohol, everyone sang down down down for everyone else, and the socials really made me feel like I had a family for the first time since my dad bled to death after smashing a glass jar that he had put up his ass.
For on after we had Naked pool time! Luckily the pool was a lot cleaner this week. Also, Fag Magnet bought all the pizzas that Hungry Howie would make for us.
Love and beer checks,
IPTD
30 July 2016
Well, the 69th running of the eATMe hash was especially shitty since it was kitchen themed. The Hares were NOT Iowanna Dix’n Me and Technicolor Cum Shot despite how much they really wish they had been named that. They were Treerex and Toaster Tongs!
Despite Wopamole and Fag Magnet trying to go to Carney’s for prelube, prelube was actually held at O’Bannon’s for their 69th analversary. At prelube UB Brieyh’leai and IPTD learned that sleazy horse sleepwear is a thing. Also, Easy Bake stole balloons and danced on the tables at O’Bannon’s. At the end of the evening/early morning, UB Nicola was hit on by Jesus, her Uber driver. However, Jesus was still too sad from being turned down by Fag Magnet earlier in the night.
The trail started out shitty because the hares met in the wrong parking lot (possibly for symbolistic reasons?). In order to get to start on time, UB Aaron faked a boo boo in his tum tum at work. Other boo boos on trail included UB Bosco twisting his ankle and IPTD’s rectum being rubbed raw by everyone slapping and touching his butt. This occurred since IPTD wore his prostate stimulator all trail long. He is planning to make a challenge patch where you will earn the patch if you run an entire trail while wearing some sort of butt plug (in your butt). Toasty said she will be the first to earn the patch using the assifier that her boyfriend gave her. Another tragedy that occurred on trail was that the shot stop, with ketchup and mustard shots, was entirely consumed by the pack before HOP made it to the stop. Unfortunately this is the second week in a row that HOP missed out on an alcohol check due to the thoughtlessness of racists. Also, about this time UB Ziggy threw Van Goes Down’s phone into the shiggy and the racists redeemed themselves by going back into the shiggy in the pitch black night to find the phone. Ultimately Daddy was FRB and UB JENNA WAS DFL!!!!!!!!!!!! A lot of muggles at the movie theater were very amused that she was trying to find circle by yelling “DADDY, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?” The scribe recalls that either Beddy Boop or UB Alma was FBI, but no half-mind can tell them apart anyway.
At circle the pack was met by Turn Down For Quoi who auto wanked. Then Yard Ralph, the RA, devirginated UB Tony and UB Bosco, aka UB Tobacco. Later in circle, IPTD pulled out his prostate stimulator when accused of wearing it on trail and Fag Magnet sang “Put it back in” for a song a sometime after that when IPTD was accused of something else.
On after was held at Meadows point hot tub where the water was as opaque and tingle inducing as anyone could have hoped for. This may have been related to the fact that UB Summer thought that taking an Epsom salt bath is a laxative. One unfortunate thing that occurred at the pool was that the pizza delivery man did not appreciate seeing Easy Bake’s boobs last time and would not cum to us again. We may have miscalculated and should have shown him some dick instead. All-in-all, everyone on trail seemed to be butt hurt about hashing politics, but IPTD was the only one that had a legitimate reason to be butt hurt on this trail.
Love and beer checks,
IPTD
July 2nd 2016
We hope you enjoy this extra special 69th edition of the eATMe hash trash which records the official events of the 69th running of the eATMe hash, hared by Terrojism and Easy Bake.
Prelube was at Blackwater Draw in downtown Bryan. It was there that we all found out what a growler is in the UK thanks to UB Nicola. All I will leave you with here is the top definition from Urban Dictionary: “A mean, butch looking pussy. As friendly as a bulldog, and as much fun to kiss.” Later that evening there was a dance jam at the Stafford with UB Beatriz, Easy Bake, Daddy Pants, UB Nicola, Terrojism, IPTD, and many more. UB Nicola, unfortunately, injured her growler while performing a “slut-drop” during the dance off.
On Saturday, trail started and ended at Gough Gough Coffee Company. Easy bake brought squirt guns for the hounds and Terrojism brought an S&M leash for his favorite hound. On trail, the new S&M check was introduced at the Silk Stocking. The pack also had a photo shoot there. Unfortunately no other hare-provided package checks were found on trail. At the end of the trail, a slow motion replay confirmed that IPTD and Daddy Pants tied for FRB with a photo finish.
Before circle, Easy Bake lived up to her name by bringing some home baked cookies for the hounds. During circle, IPTD was using a watermelon slice as a vessel that, at some point, magically grew into a half watermelon vessel. The circle donated to the vessel, but IPTD cleverly only drank a little of it while throwing the rest over his shoulder. Because of this, a few beers were lost on this day, so I would really appreciate it if you would take a moment of silence for the loss of this beer as it could not have been avoided. A bit later in circle, we discovered that UB Nate has a neurological condition where as he walks by you, if his beer is above your vessel, his hand will lose control and pour beer into your vessel. Also, by the end of circle, UB Alexei still could not figure out what the theme of the trail was and why everyone was covered in Russia’s colors.
At on after at Carney’s, Terrojism finally created a snapchat account. He asked me to request of all of you that ALL the dick pics are sent to him. Lastly, at the end of the evening Easy Bake was trying to start wrestling matches with everyone.
Definitely not the eATMe scribe,
InterPlanetary Tortoise Dick
Saturday June 25
Hashers, Harriettes, UBs, and everyone in between, this hash trash was written in celebration of Toaster Tong surviving for a quarter of a century in order to hare the 69th running of the eATMe hash with Ass Gagger at Lake Bryan! Joining them were some eATMe regulars, a KAW invasion, and sadly only one virgin, UB Carson. The KAW invasion included Orange Hooker, Homodynamics, and Pubes and Gayland.
Prelube for trail was held at the campsite where the sounds of the lake house band could be heard all evening. The best effort to attend prelube was decided to be a tie between UB Jenna, who biked to Lake Bryan, and Beddy Boop, who began reading an assignment at midnight while drinking so she could to write an essay on the reading the next day. Knowing that a shitty trail requires a sufficient amount of prelubing, Gaggie hit up Dro Bro at the campsite next to us for some of his orange shots. However, UB Alma and UB Carson did not participate because they needed to get some rest in their tent so that UB Alma could work early in the morning. Prelube was then finished off by a game of Heads Up at 3 am and the ceremoanial cries of the le neighbors qui cum fort at 5 am.
On Saturday morning UB Aaron wanted people to cum out and eat his sausage so he warmed it up for them himself. However, everyone was busy preparing their best panda impressions and were not interested in UB Aaron’s sausage. The resulting panda outfits ranged from cute to terrifying to just kinda shitty. A few noteworthy panda outfits included Treerex’s anime panda outfit, HOP’s panda full body suit, UB Aaron’s zombie panda body paint, the hares’ panda rave hats, and IPTD’s panda body painted on his ass. We were such an inspiring group of people that when UB Aaron was painting IPTD’s ass, not only did the neighbors start taking pictures, but they also sent their hot middle school son over to get a panda painted on his face as well. Unfortunately we decided that it might not work well if IPTD just sat on his face to transfer some of IPTD’s ass body paint directly to the child’s face to save time.
After panda prep, the time for trail finally arrived. It was a hot and shitty trail, but we’re pretty sure that not very many pandas were lost to the trail. This was most definitely due to the weird yet innovative new check that we found on trail. The new wiener check, meant to provide sustenance on a tiring trail, is comprised of a pre-opened packet of hot dogs in a cooler with possibly a few beers that best compliment the wiener flavor. It is best to be careful how long you stay at a wiener check through, because you may get showered on just like the DFLs did just before finding ON IN. This was most terrifying and disorienting for UB Aaron, who decided to run trail backward after reaching ON IN in order to find the start and make sure his tent did not get showered on too much. However, UB Aaron would have kept his tent drier if he would have realized that the start was only about 69 yards away from the end.
At circle there were still wiener’s left over from the wiener check, and if you had to guess which hasher was playing with them during circle, who would you pick? That’s right, Fag Magnet! He ripped open a wiener packet with his teeth spraying wiener juice all over his face. He then rubbed a wiener all over his face and on the chests of the hares.
After circle the most popular place to get naked was in the lake. Unfortunately, the excitement caused Bill Neigh to lose his car keys in the lake. Later, back at the camp there was also a naked trail that lasted all of about 69 seconds. Also, Toasty was very happy to be served drinks by IPTD who was in his American flag thong which was extra tight since it also had glow sticks inside it. Additionally, the last lesson learned of the night was that it’s not the size of the tent that you pitch that matters but which 6 people you convince to share it with you.
On Sunday we all declared victory and left after Toasty announced that her vagina "smelled so bad" and that she possibly got her eye infected again.
Your humblest scribe (for this week),
Inter Planetary Tortoise Dick
